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new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第63部分

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He'd thought about this part; too。 〃I'll follow after as soon as I can。〃 
〃That is seriously〃I looked for the right word。 〃Sick。〃 
〃Bella; it's the only right way left—〃 
〃Let's just back up for a minute;〃 I said; feeling angry made it so much 
easier to be clear; decisive。 〃You 
do remember the Volturi; right? I can't stay human forever。 They'll kill me。 
Even if they don't think of me 
tillI'm thirty〃—I hissed the word—〃do you really think they'll forget?〃 
〃No;〃 he answered slowly; shaking his head。 〃They won't forget。 But〃 
〃But?〃 
He grinned while I stared at him warily。 Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one。 
〃I have a few plans。〃 
〃And these plans;〃 I said; my voice getting more acidic with each word。 〃These 
plans all center around 
me staying human。〃 
My attitude hardened his expression。 〃Naturally。〃 His tone was brusque; his 
divine face arrogant。 
We glowered at each other for a long minute。 
Then I took a deep breath; squared my shoulders; I pushed his arms away so 
that I could sit up。 
〃Do you want me to leave?〃 he asked; and it made my heart flutter to see that 
this idea hurt him; though 
he tried not to show it。 
〃No;〃 I told him。 〃I'm leaving。〃 
He watched me suspiciously as I climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in 
the dark room; looking 
for my shoes。 
〃May I ask where you are going。'〃 he asked。 
〃I'm going to your house;〃 I told him; still feeling around blindly。 
He got up and came to my side。 〃Here are your shoes。 How did you plan to get 
there?〃 
〃My truck。〃 
〃That will probably wake Charlie;〃 he offered as a deterrent。 
I sighed。 〃I know。 But honestly; I'll be grounded for weeks as it is。 How much 
more trouble can I really 
getin?〃 
〃None。 He'll blame me; not you。〃 
〃If you have a better idea; I'm all ears。〃 
〃Stay here;〃 he suggested; but his expression wasn't hopeful。 
〃No dice。 But you go ahead and make yourself at home;〃 I encouraged; surprised 
at how natural my 
teasing sounded; and headed for the door。 
He was there before me; blocking my way。 
I frowned; and turned for the window。 It wasn't really that far to the ground; 
and it was mostly grass 
beneath 
〃Okay;〃 he sighed。 〃I'll give you a ride。〃 
I shrugged。 〃Either way。 But you probably should be there; too。〃 
〃And why is that?〃 
〃Because you're extraordinarily opinionated; and I'm sure you'll want a chance 
to air your views。〃 
〃My views on which subject?〃 He asked through his teeth。 
〃This isn't just about you anymore。 You're not the center of the universe; you 
know。〃 My own personal 
universe was; of course; a different story。 〃If you're going to bring the 
Volturi down on us over something 
as stupid as leaving me human; then your family ought to have a say。〃 
〃A say in what?〃 he asked; each word distinct。 
〃My mortality。 I'm putting it to a vote。〃 
 24。 VOTE
HE WAS NOT PLEASED; THAT MUCH WAS EASY TO READ in his face。 But; without 
further 
argument; he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window; landing 
without the slightest jolt; 
like a cat。 It was a little bit farther down than I'd imagined。 
〃All right then;〃 he said; his voice seething with disapproval。 〃Up you go。〃 
He helped me onto his back; and took off running。 Even after all this time; it 
felt routine。 Easy。 Evidently 
this was something you never forgot; like riding a bicycle。 
It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest; his breathing slow 
and even—dark enough 
that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible; and only the rush of air 
in my face truly gave away our 
speed。 The air was damp; it didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the big 
plaza had; and that was 
forting。 As was the night; too; after that terrifying brightness。 Like the 
thick quilt I'd played under as a 
child; the dark felt familiar and protecting。 
I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me; 
that I used to have to close my 
eyes。 It seemed a silly reaction to me now。 I kept my eyes wide; my chin 
resting on his shoulder; my 
cheek against his neck。 The speed was exhilarating。 A hundred times better 
than the motorcycle。 
I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of 
his neck。 
〃Thank you;〃 he said; as the vague; black shapes of trees raced past us。 〃Does 
that mean you've decided 
you're awake?〃 
I laughed。 The sound was easy; natural; effortless。 It sounded right。 〃Not 
really。 More that; either way; 
I'm not trying to wake up。 Not tonight。〃 
〃I'll earn your trust back somehow;〃 he murmured; mostly to himself。 〃If it's 
my final act。〃 
〃I trust you;〃 I assured him。 〃It's me I don't trust。〃 
〃Explain that; please。〃 
He'd slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I 
guessed that we weren't far 
from the house。 In fact; I thought I could make out the sound of the river 
rushing somewhere close by in 
the darkness。 
〃Well—〃 I struggled to find the right way to phrase it。 〃I don't trust myself 
to be enough。 To deserve 
you。 There's nothing about me that could hold you。〃 
He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back。 His gentle hands did 
not release me; after he'd 
set me on my feet again; he wrapped his arms tightly around me; hugging me to 
his chest。 
〃Your hold is permanent and unbreakable;〃 he whispered。 〃Never doubt that。〃 
But how could I not? 
〃You never did tell me〃 he murmured。 
〃What?〃 
〃What your greatest problem is。〃 
〃I'll give you one guess。〃 I sighed; and reached up to touch the tip of his 
nose with my index finger。 
He nodded。 〃I'm worse than the Volturi;〃 he said grimly。 〃I guess I've earned 
that。〃 
I rolled my eyes。 〃The worst the Volturi can do is kill me。〃 
He waited with tense eyes。 
〃You can leave me;〃 I explained。 〃The Volturi; Victoria they're nothing 
pared to that。〃 
Even in the darkness; I could see the anguish twist his face—it reminded me 
of his expression under 
Jane's torturing gaze; I felt sick; and regretted speaking the truth。 
〃Don't;〃 I whispered; touching his face。 〃Don't be sad。〃 
He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly; but the expression didn't 
touch his eyes。 〃If there was 
only some way to make you see that I can't leave you;〃 he whispered。 〃Time; I 
suppose; will be the way 
to convince you。〃 
I liked the idea of time。 〃Okay;〃 I agreed。 
His face was still tormented。 I tried to distract him with inconsequentials。 
〃So—since you're staying。 Can I have my stuff back?〃 I asked; making my tone 
as light as I could 
manage。 
My attempt worked; to an extent: he laughed。 But his eyes retained the misery。 
〃Your things were never 
gone;〃 he told me。 〃I knew it was wrong; since I promised you peace without 
reminders。 It was stupid 
and childish; but I wanted to leave something of myself with you。 The CD; the 
pictures; the 
tickets—they're all under your floorboards。〃 
〃Really?〃 
He nodded; seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial 
fact。 It wasn't enough to heal 
the pain in his face pletely。 
〃I think;〃 I said slowly; 〃I'm not sure; but I wonder I think maybe I knew 
it the whole time。〃 
〃What did you know?〃 
I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes; but as I spoke the words; 
they sounded truer than I 
expected they would。 
〃Some part of me; my subconscious maybe; never stopped believing that you 
still cared whether I lived 
or died。 That's probably why I was hearing the voices。〃 
There was a very deep silence for a moment。 〃Voices?〃 he asked flatly。 
〃Well; just one voice。 Yours。 It's a long story。〃 The wary look on his face 
made me wish that I hadn't 
brought that up。 Would he think I was crazy; like everyone else? Was everyone 
else right about that? But 
at least that expression—the one that made him look like something was 
burning him—faded。 
〃I've got time。〃 His voice was unnaturally even。 
〃It's pretty pathetic。〃 
He waited。 
I wasn't sure how to explain。 〃Do you remember what Alice said about extreme 
sports?〃 
He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis。 〃You jumped off a cliff for 
fun。〃 
〃Er; right。 And before that; with the motorcycle—〃 
〃Motorcycle?〃 he asked。 I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing 
behind the calm。 
〃I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part。〃 
〃No。〃 
〃Well; about that See; I found that when I was doing something dangerous 
or stupid I could 
remember you more clearly;〃 I confessed; feeling pletely mental。 〃I could 
remember how your voice 
sounded when you were angry。 I could hear it; like you were standing right 
there next to me。 Mostly I 
tried not to think about you; but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you 
were protecting me again。 Like 
you didn't want me to be hurt。 
〃And; well; I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because; 
underneath it all。 I always 
knew that you hadn't stopped loving me。〃 
Again; as I spoke; the words brought with them a sense of conviction。 Of 
rightness。 Some deep place 
inside me recognized truth。 
His words came out half…strangled。 〃You were risking your life to hear—
〃 
〃Shh;〃 I interrupted him。 〃Hold on a second。 I think I'm having an epiphany 
here。〃 
I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd had my first delusion。 I'd 
e up with two options。 
Insanity or wish fulfillment。 I'd seen no third option。 
But what if 
What if you sincerely believed something was true; but you were dead wrong? 
What if you were so 
stubbornly sure that you were right; that you wouldn't even consider the 
truth? Would the truth be 
silenced; or would it try to break through? 
Option three: Edward loved me。 The bond forged between us was not one that 
could be broken by 
absence; distance; or time。 And no matter how much more special or beautiful 
or brilliant or perfect than 
me he might be; he was as irreversibly altered as I was。 As I would always 
belong to him; so would he 
always be mine。 
Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself? 
〃Oh!〃 
〃Bella?〃 
〃Oh。 Okay。 I see。〃 
〃Your epiphany?〃 he asked; his voice uneven and strained。 
〃You love me;〃 I marveled。 The sense of conviction and Tightness washed 
through me again。 
Though his eyes were still anxious; the crooked smile I loved best flashed 
across his face。 〃Truly; I do。〃 
My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs。 It filled 
my chest and blocked my throat 
so that I could not speak。 
He really did want me the way I wanted him—forever。 It was only fear for my 
soul; for the human things 
he didn't want to take from me; that made him so desperate to leave me mortal。 
pared to the fear 
that he didn't want me; this hurdle—my soul—seemed almost insignificant。 
He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so 
dizzy the forest was 
spinning。 Then he leaned his forehead against mine; and I was not the only one 
breathing harder than 
usual。 
〃You were better at it than I was; you know;〃 he told me。 
〃Better at what?〃 
〃Surviving。 You; at least; made an effort。 You got up in the morning; tried to 
be normal for Charlie; 
followed the pattern of your life。 When I wasn't actively tracking; I was 
totally useless。 I couldn't be 
around my family—I couldn't be ar
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